My Hopes For This New Era

1. the partisanship will end….healthy, productive debate only please…

2. the Coulters, Hannitys, and Limbaughs will become a thing of the past…who needs all this hate and bigotry anymore?….do they really add anything to the national debate?

3. medical care for all…doctors controlling patient care….nobody in the USA should die needlessly…

4. stem cell research promoted by the government….it’s a shame that other countries are far ahead of us on this….

5. marriage equality for gays….also that ALL GAY PEOPLE WILL COME FLYING OUT OF THE CLOSET….wouldn’t that shock everyone?

6. that religious fanatics will go underground out of shame never to be seen again…..

7. a cure or better treatment for A.I.D.S…….

8. that Obama’s administration will get the middle east on the road to peace…..

9. that America will once again be the beacon it once was before the Bush era….

10. on a personal note….that I’ll continue to heal and become a better person….

Dementia Takes Away

I just got off the phone with my 86yr old aunt who is suffering from dementia caused by numerous mini strokes….when I first call I speak to her live-in and ask all the important questions knowing that she can’t answer anything that requires more than a yes or no answer….in the last year it’s gotten to the point where I’m not sure she even knows who I am any more…there are brief moments of clarity, but they are becoming non existent…….I haven’t been down to see her in a while because it is too painful to watch her stumble over words or just stare blankly at the wall…..she’s well taken care of by her step children….she has enough money to be taken care of for a while like this….I think she would benefit from being placed in a good home that deals with the elderly in her state, but her daughter promised her……I think I avoid going to see her because I really want to remember the vibrant woman she was, not the shell that’s left……I will be going to see her in a week though………..

It’s O.K. To Hate Gays…..

or at least is seems that way lately….there are more and more gay bashings world wide then i can ever remember….there are more countries that don’t even try to hide their bias against gays, through laws and outwardly discriminating against them…it’s even gone as far as murders have gone ignored…..more middle east countries are publicly hangings gays and not even trying to hide it….in this country, America, it’s becoming perfectly acceptable for our lawmakers, state and federal, to be biased, hateful, and cruel towards gays, and they’re not even ridiculed by the supposed “liberal” media….a politician in Oklahoma put out a “comic” with terrible gay stereotypes and hateful rhetoric in it and he wasn’t held accountable, thank god he lost the election….a man shot up a church because of the church’s stance of being inclusive of gays…one brief mention…could you imagine if these acts were perpetrated against Jews or blacks?…there would be an uproar, specials, conferences…..not one of the presidential candidates said a word regarding these 2 incidents……mccain though basically said that gays have no family values and shouldn’t be allowed to adopt…..imagine if he said blacks?…..and one more thing anti-gay words like faggot are still acceptible to use by anyone and usually bring a chuckle, but don’t say nigger or kike……those freaks from that church in kansas hold up signs that say “god hates fags”….the only outrage is that they picket soldiers funerals…imagine if the signs said “god hates niggers” or ” god hates kikes”..?……then there would be outrage…..

Why?….

do we allow ourselves to continue on the same vicious cycle……going round and round with the same emotions….knowing the outcome will never be different than the million times before…..hoping beyond hope that somehow this time it’ll be better…..it never is.

 

Why?…do we always let the same situations trouble us over and over gain….things we have no control over, people that have ALWAYS been a certain way….but we still allow them to affect us again and again.

 

When?….will it finally dawn on us that we can only control our reaction to these situations and people…..we can’t expect a different result from the same situation……isn’t that the definition of insanity?

 

the human condition is very bizarre, very complex, and hard to comprehend………so, why try?….

Gay, The New Black?

it seems to me that in recent years there is one group were it is OK to be outwardly prejudice and bigoted against….where everyone from politicians, religious leaders, talking heads, right wing radio, and anyone who chooses can say hateful things against, call unworthy of fundamental rights, mock, and out right bash….GAYS….

 

now with California legalizing same sex marriages, the assault begins again.  there will be a parade of bigots across our TVs crying for amendments banning such unions all in the name of god.  it’s so sad to see these people go unchecked.   they cry about “activist judges”, the same ones that ended our long shameful treatment of blacks, to be removed from the bench, just as they did in the 50’s and 60’s…..would we really want to live in the world these people truly want….?

My Mother

melancholy day today….snow on the way, they say……

lately, I’ve been thinking about you a lot…wondering if you know how I miss you so….

whenever there is a triumph, you’re my first though…a failure, you’re there too…

each day I try to live as you did, how you cared beyond your self interests….

it’s not always easy, but it is my truth.  my way now….

“Mama, Mama” plays and each line is from me to you….my deep hurt and joy…

I see you in my dreams and feel that they are signs…..from you to me…

if only I could know for sure, but I think I do…..xxxooo

Another Year Over….

and what have I learned?

to let go of what I can not control….to be more assertive in what I believe….to not expect things that are out of reach….to relax and not obsess about what has not occurred.

what do I want to achieve in the up coming year?

to enjoy the time I  have to it’s fullest potential…..to stop saying later….to go out into the world and participate….to share myself with others and make a difference.

 what do I hope for the world?

an end to separation….no more bully politics….America’s image restored….the fall of tyrants…..the end of useless human suffering….the end of “God” being used to promote hatred….that the many will crush the few with radical ideologies….a cure to all that ills us.

I need Sun…………

OK, it’s been so frigging icky here lately.  there has been hardly any sunshine for roughly 2 weeks….if I wanted that kind of weather I would have moved to Seattle or London….feels like I’m suffering from lack of light….

I’m tired, cranky, and bitchy all day……it better break soon or I’ll go on a rampage….I wish I was the type that could just lay in bed all day, but I can’t, never could……….

Botox….My Savior

I went to the Neurologist today and got my Botox injections for my spasticity in my left arm and hand….I was so over due…..the tighter the arm gets….the harder it is to walk because it causes the leg/foot to tone up……the harder it is to speak, because it tenses up the left side of my neck as well….it’s all strangely connected….cause and affect.

 as soon as I left the office it feels looser….psychosomatic…perhaps….mind over body…maybe…but I think it’s the overwhelming feeling of relief…relief that I know my mobility and symptoms will get better….relief that my mood will stabilize a bit…just relief…

 speaking if my mood, my psychiatrist increased my Zoloft, not by much….he feels the slight increase will help get me to that happy content place…these are my words, not his…so far, so good.

so now we’re coming to year end….resolutions, no…I quit smoking a year ago…my weight is fine…I’m keeping up with my health….maybe next year more fun…….

Cold, Grey, and…….

I hate winter…..I need the sun to energize me….hate being cold….hate being stuck inside….

the Zoloft seemed to work in controlling my anger, rage……although I think I need an increase to reap the full benefit…..I guess the doctor was right…PTSD…

gave in and decorated for Christmas…..looks good…not too much….just enough…

I go for my botox injections in a week…I need them….my muscles are stiff and the cold doesn’t help either…..it also affects my moods as well….

we got a bit of snow today….not a fan….as I get older I can see why people move to warmer climates…….